Now, I have a lot of lady friends who are singles moms out there and they all are doing great. Love them all. Respect them all but this is some other shit I am talking in here.
So.., Lets start.
I don't mind dating girls who I meet late at night in a downtown club during the week. I am sitting there in my chair messing up with her and just when I think I am about to go to her place I hear a ring.., and than another. So I look at her answering the phone; Sweetie mommy will be back soon. I am all shocked. I mean what the fuck just happen.
l was at the club the other night down, chilling at the club. l'm chilling with this girl. She was dancing. lt was about 2:00 a.m. l'm talking to her, and realized she had three kids at home. l don't mind the three kids at home, that's all good. But l'm like, ''What the fuck are you doing in a club...so late in the fucking morning on a Wednesday night?
''What the fuck are you doing here? ''ls it your birthday? ''Did you get a raise? ''Well, you got to get the fuck out. ''You go. l'm kicking you the fuck out. Yes, bye! ''Go take care of your kids before they rob me in 10 years.''
You got to get your kid on or your groove on. You can't get both on at the same time. l'm tired of this shit. And a bunch of girls are like: - ''You don't need a man to help you raise you kids.'' Shut the fuck up with the bullshit. Yeah, you can do it without a man but that don't mean it's to be done. Shit, you could drive a car with your feet if you want to. That doesn't make it a good fucking idea.
l don't give a fuck. You could be the baddest mama on earth. l don't give a fuck how good you are. Ain't nothing you can say more powerful than, ''l'm gonna tell your daddy.'' Can't fuck with it. Can't come close to, - ''l'm gonna tell your daddy.''
l'm tired of bumping into these girls at the club... all late on a fucking weeknight.
You got this shit down?
See, nobody gives a fuck about Daddy. There's some real daddies out there. l'm not talking about the guy that fucked you and left. Fuck him, okay? l'm talking about the real daddies. There's still some motherfuckers out there that handle their business. Motherfuckers wanna act like brothers.... There's some brothers that handle their business. 'Cause people don't give a fuck.... Nobody gives a fuck about Daddy. Everybody takes Daddy for granted. Just listen to the radio. Everything's ''Mama. Dear Mama. Always loved my Mama.''
What's the Daddy song? "Papa was a Rollin' Stone". Nobody gives a fuck. Nobody appreciates Daddy. Now, Mama's got the roughest job. l ain't gonna front. But at least people appreciate Mama. Every time Mama do something right, Mama gets a compliment... 'cause women need to hear compliments all the time.
Women need food, water, and compliments. That's right. And an occasional pair of shoes. That's right. Women got to hear it all the time, or they lose their minds. And get Daddy to make sure you thank your mama for everything.
- ''Tell your mama how good the food is. Tell her how nice the house looks. ''Tell your mama how nice her hair looks. ''Did you tell your mama? You better go in there and tell your mama.'' That's right! ''Tell your mama.''
Nobody ever tells Daddy shit. I'm talking about the real daddies that handle their fucking business. Nobody ever says, - ''Hey, Daddy, thanks for knocking out this rent.'' ''Hey, Daddy, l sure love this hot water.''
''Hey, Daddy, this is easy to read with all this light.'' Nobody gives a fuck about Daddy. l'm talking about a daddy that handles his business. Nobody gives a fuck about Daddy. Think about everything that the real daddy does:
pay the bills, buy the food, but a fucking roof over your head. Everything you could ever ask for. Make your world a better, safer place. And what does Daddy get for all his work? Sex when his wife wants to. Damn…
That's right.
lt's damn near impossible for a man to turn down sex. lt's hard for a man to turn down sex. We can stop chasing it, and even that requires some rehab. But it's hard for a man to stop. lf it chase us, we can't run that fast. lt's gonna catch us, we're like: ''Shit, pulled a hamstring. You got me.'' You can't run that fast. See, it's easy for women to turn down sex. lt ain't shit for y'all to turn down sex. lt ain't no thing for y'all to turn down sex.
Y'all like, ''Why can't you turn it down? l do it all the time. ''Why can't you say no? l say no.'' See, it's easy for y'all. You know why? 'Cause every woman in here, ever since you were ... every guy you met has been trying to fuck you. That's right, every time a man's being nice to you...
There are a lot of woman reading this tonight. Love the women. What the fuck do y'all want? Do you know what you want? Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Do you know? What the fuck do women want? l know what you want: everything.
That's every woman's answer: ''Everything.'' Women want every fucking thing. Women act like life was just a big sale, or shit. ''l want to get the most shit before things close down.'' That's what fucking life is to a woman: everything.
You know what men want? Food, sex, silence. That's it. Food, sex, silence. ''Feed me, fuck me, shut the fuck up!'' Our goals seem very attainable, don't they? Women, it's hard to figure women out. lt's hard being a guy. We always think we can buy sex. ''lf l take her here, she'll give me some. lf l buy her this, she'll give me some.'' Nothing get you nothing. A woman knows if she's gonna fuck you within the first five minutes of meeting you. Women know right away. They're shaking hands like, ''l'm gonna fuck him. ''l hope he don't say nothing too stupid.''
That's right, fellas, don't say nothing too stupid...because women are all about the mood. lf she's in the mood to fuck you, shut up and let it happen. 'Cause if you say the wrong thing, them panties are coming up mighty fast.
''What'd you say?'' She be on the phone with a girlfriend, ''Yeah, l was gonna give him some...''but he just started talking. ''l hate a yakking man, child.''
That's right, man. Relationships: easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? Because it's hard to keep up the lie. 'Cause you can't get nobody being you. You got to lie to get somebody. You can't get obody looking like you look, acting like you act... sounding like you sound.
When you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them. You're meeting their representative. That's right. Who are the biggest liars, men or women?
-Men!
-Women!
Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies. Men, we lie all the time. We lie so much, it's damn near a language. lt's like, to call a man out for lying... is like playing basketball with a retarded kid and calling him for double dribble.
You gotta let some shit slide. Men, we lie all the time. You know what a man's lie is like? A man's lie is like, ''l was at Tony's house. ''l'm at Kenny's house.'' That's a man's lie.
A women's lie is like, ''lt's your baby.'' We've all heard that one.
-''lt don't even look like me.''
-''He's got your hat.''
That's right. Who the biggest liars? Women the biggest liars. Look at you, all of you. You're a fucking liar. You! You're a liar! You're all liars. All of you are fucking liars! Masters of the lie, the visual lie.
Look at you. You got on heels, you ain't that tall. You got on makeup, your face don't look like that. You got dark brown hair, your hair ain't nowhere near that shit. You got a Wonderbra on, your titties ain't that big. Everything about you is a lie, and you expect me to tell the truth? Fuck you!
Men lie, we live lies. That's why we so crazy. Every now and then, we catch ourselves living a lie. We create a whole lie-world around us.
Hehehe, yeah…, keep laughing. LoL
Huh! You ever say some shit that gets you kicked out of bed? And the woman's like, ''Fuck me, harder! Fuck me, Daddy, spank me!''
-''All right, you ho.''
-''Who you calling a ho? ''Who the fuck are you calling a ho? ''Untie me!''
l ain't no expert or no shit, but, fellas, if you're gonna talk dirty to your woman... you got to talk with authority. You can get a woman to do any nasty little thing you want. You say that shit like a man, make a little eye contact...
put a little bass in your voice, she will do that shit. She wants to do that shit. She's dying to do that shit. Your woman is nastier than you ever imagined. But you gotta come correct...because anything you mumble ain't getting done. You can't be in bed all unsure, like,
- ''Excuse me....
- ''Excuse me, l was wondering....
- ''Ma'am, l have a request.
- "Could you lick my balls?''
She's gonna look at you like an idiot and say: - "l ain't licking nothing. Lick your own balls!''
Do you realize, it is some women still don't give head? Tow-thousand-fucking-six. Whenever l meet a girl that doesn't give head... l look at them like a damn Betamax,
- ''They still make you?''
That's right. Relationships: easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? 'Cause at some point you just stop talking. That's right, everybody stops talking after a while.
You know how it is. You come home and you start nodding.
- ''Yeah, we cool. ''l'm gonna get a little something to eat.''
Why do you stop talking? 'Cause at some point, you have heard everything this person has to say... and it makes you sick to your stomach. You know what they're gonna say before it even comes out their mouth... and you just wanna stab them in the neck with a pencil!
Your can't take the shit no more! And they're like:
- ''Remember that time?''
-''Yeah, l remember that time!''
-''Did l ever tell you about.....''
-''Yeah, you told me about that time! Stop telling me the same shit over and over again! '
-'Why don't you go out and get kidnapped, have some new shit happen to you?''
That's right. Fellas, you gotta talk. That's women's biggest complaint:
-''You don't talk. 'You need to talk, let's talk. You don't talk.'' That's right. Women love to talk. lf they had talking in the Olympics, a man wouldn't stand a chance.
Women love to talk, but they wanna talk to you. They wanna talk to their man. But women don't want you to talk-talk. Women just want you to listen-listen. All a woman really wants you to do is ask her the correct questions... that will allow her to run her fucking mouth! You set her up, she'll knock them down.
Fellas, you want your woman to be happy? All you got to say is:
- ''How was your day? 'Honey, how was your day?''
You know why? 'Cause ''How was your day?'' is a 45-minute conversation to a woman. And as a man, you don't really gotta talk. You gotta just act like you're talking. Just say:
- ''Get out of here. Go on sweetie! l don't believe it, really?. 'You don't say! Really? Get out of here! 'Go on. l don't believe it. You don't say? Get out of here. ''l told you that bitch crazy!'' You gotta throw in, ''l told you that bitch crazy.'' You know why? 'Cause every woman's got another woman at her job that she can't stand. Women, y'all exaggerate everything. You turn it into some Dynasty shit, like:
- ''She's trying to destroy me!''
- What the fuck are you talking about? You wrap up bags at J.C. Penney's! What's she doing, ripping up your paper?
Fellas, you gotta talk. Women, exact opposite. Y'all gotta learn when not to talk. That's right. You ever notice how no man comes home straight from work? No man comes home straight from work. A man get off work, he got to go somewhere. He got to drink something, he got to smoke something... he got to watch the game, he got to hang with his boys... he got to take a drive. He got to do something that will mentally prepare him... for all the talking he gonna hear when he get home.
Ladies, it ain't that you talk too much. You just talk too much as soon as we get in the fucking door. Let a man get situated. We don't need to hear everything right away. Soon as you take one step in, - ''You're not gonna believe this....''
- Let me get my other foot in the fucking door! Let me get something to eat! Let me get something to drink! Let me take a shit! Go in the fucking kitchen and get me my big piece of chicken!
l'm out of here. Thank you, Friends! I hope you laughed a little from all this.
NOTE: so.., how do you like my slang...? Hehehe
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