Who we match with and why…?

Match? Is there such a thing? Who do we match with? I think the first issue is to know who we are and what we are about. Once we know this then we can work out whom we can possibly match with.

That innocent comment is where a lot of people fall down. I am often surprised how little people take a good look at themselves. You may feel that you perfectly suit Brad Pitt or Pamela Anderson but then do you really know that much about them as people, and would they go for someone like you?

Sure we often want to match ourselves with people of certain look and physical properties and that is entirely natural. However if we weigh 300 lb. and have never seen the inside of a gym then I think its fair to say that we may not be the perfect match to a sportsman or a model. Why? Well simply because nature tells us that we match with likes. On a base level we are here, says nature, to procreate and so we select consequently.

Matching with someone on a simply physical level is not enough to last. Sex is a part of any relationship to some degree so looks do matter, even if to a small amount. I often hear some people say that appearance is not important to them and I am always impressed. What they really mean is that looks are not important as along as you like the look of that person already. Looks are only ever important if you do not!

The sentence 'The beauty comes from within...' came to mind for a second.

We all discuss, chat, talk, debate, joke, laugh, etc. and it is all because we are identifying with each other and building the basics of an emotional bond. It may be found in a shared experience or hobby, activity or event. It may be found in opposing powerful views discovered in conversation accompanied by profound respect and deep-seated desire to extend this connection further. It may be that we share the same type of pet, a similar liking for certain foods even similar books we read, but they are emotional connections that are essential in establishing any connection. As we can see, initial matching is a complex scenario.

The next important factor in any match is location. I could match with someone right now in Australia, but unless I am in Australia then it doesnt help me begin a relationship. I may consider flying to Australia to meet my match but then can I sustain my match and help us grow? Well of course that depends on the two individuals involved, their circumstances, position, age, regularity of meeting and planned future. The reality as we know for single people is that long distance matches tend not to work unless both parties come together quite quickly after meeting

One thing often overlooked in matching with someone is humor. Yes we often specify that someone must have a great sense of humor. And everyone reading this will say, yes they have a great sense of humor. What makes one person laugh does not make another person laugh. And yet I watch so many people co-exist without every laughing together and it makes me sad. A solid relationship will have moments where common laughter is essential, where the sense of humor between two people is almost unspoken. That I believe is one of the key ingredients in any true match. You may really be attracted to someone but if they dont make you laugh you may be wasting your time.

Background sometimes has an influence in a good matching scenario because it has prepared you both with similar social experiences and belief systems. This may be true of schooling, parental experiences; locations lived in, travel undertaken, or even just activities and sports accomplished. This is a wide area and there are no definite but we do know from decades of surveys and evidence that people do tend to stay romantically within their own social strata. This means that people stay with those who they feel most comfortable with. This may be because their common experience and understanding promotes the feeling of a good match.

Outlook on life really is underestimated. If you both have the same goals in life you may make a great match. If you have differing career goals, travel plans, ambitions and personal goals, you could be wasting your time together. There is a huge temptation to offer to compromise when you really meet someone you feel you match with. Whatever it is, the more you share, the stronger your match is likely to be.

So in the end we meet someone. We like the look of them and they like the look of us, we laugh and chat together, we build an emotional link through conversation and knowledge and we are attracted to each other on multiple levels. We find we have a shared experience through our backgrounds and we share similar outlook on life and oh yes, we live in the same neighborhood. Match made in heaven? Perhaps, and possibly not.

Love is not just about matching; it is about instant chemistry, something enigmatic and mysterious, not quantifiable. For all the right reasons we can fall in love in an instant with the wrong people and then again, we can simply not find it within us to love someone who appears so right.

And for that, I have no answer.